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Dec 18, 2008; wally Asks:

Thanks for that. Your psychos-only prediction on this subject will prevent me from obsessing. May I ask, then: What's your favorite monster cereal of all time? Or, if you've opted never to shovel junk food at the breakfast table, which of the monsters (artistically) embodies the otherwise non-existent bridge between fear and cereal most believably?

Stacey answers:

I just want to take this opportunity to say that I don't eat monster cereal or any sugar at all and that the smug, superior feeling this evokes in me is one of the few unambiguous emotions I've ever experienced. As for cereal monsters in general, I can only think of Count Chocula. Are there others? Cap'n Crunch is a freakish little guy but is he monstrous? I'm going to let my unconscious loose on this problem. I'll get back to you as soon as I have a dream about it.

Dec 17, 2008; wally Asks:

Recently began paying attention to developments in the Caylee Anthony case (missing child, if you're unfamiliar) - specifically, coverage on Headline News, where one host in particular (Nancy Grace), or perhaps someone working behind the scenes, has brainstormed and brought us a combination of words ("tot mom") that's shown on screen and repeated an awful lot when the suspect/mother is discussed. Not being up on the whole child-rearing scene, i'm willing to accept that this descriptive little gem gets used nationwide in daily life; but have been alert enough to feel certain that no program reporting on a prior crime of this nature made use of it, because it would have bugged the hell out of me long before now. My concern (and if you don't share it, please reply as if to prevent further obsessing) is that, in the future, when children go missing and their mothers are considered prime suspects, "tot mom" will have become the catch-all used to describe them. But because it's short and punchy, mothers guilty of nothing who wish to identify themselves as such will resent that it carries a hint of criminality, and begin demanding/wearing merchandise emblazoned with "tot mom" in a bid to give it an overwhelmingly positive spin. And from there we're bound to get some periodical announcing nominees for Tot Mom of the Year, and probably Tot Mom: the Movie, etc., etc., you get the idea.

Stacey answers:

I like tot mom. I think the more it catches on, the less criminality will be attached, so maybe we could encourage its use under other circumstances--any mom eating tater tots could also be a tot mom. But then again, now that I've thought of it for twenty seconds, I don't like tot mom as much as I used to. Now it seems calculating, simplified, newspeakish. Let me give it a few minutes to develop. I'm going to have a cup of tea.

Okay, time elapsed: twelve minutes. I don't like it at all. Now it seems to me that a tot mom is the mother of a tater tot, which would make her a potato. But that wasn't your question. But you didn't have a question. Well how about a prediction? It won't catch on for non-murdering moms. There's something about the potato connection that only clicks for murdering moms--like, maybe a tot mom is a mother who would EAT her toddler like a hot, yummy tater tot. That is not most moms. Only psychos are tot moms.

Dec 14, 2008; Wag Asks:

So, did you read my 1.25 page novel? What did you think? Be kind, I'm just a hobbyist.

Stacey answers:

I read it. It was good! I actually printed it out and it was only a page and a quarter but I thought it was a really good start. I liked how the main character was hanging upside down for the entire first page. I hope you try again next year. You can pick up where you left off.

Dec 12, 2008; Pickles Asks:

Do you know of a pill-form opiate which would go well with a cold beer after a long drive?

Stacey answers:

Pickles, Pickles, where are you going on your long drive? To Recreational Drug-use Land? Please use caution. I think any extra pill from your latest dental procedure or uncomfortable medical intervention would do nicely.

Dec 09, 2008; frenzy fred Asks:

Contemplating a purchase of your book (My Date with Satan) I was bemused to discover that there are many copies available for 1 cent on Amazon. More surprising is the fact that there are copies for free that qualify for free shipping. Aside from the butter and egg money earned on the seedy streets of Downtown Tucson what is it you do for a living? This writing gig can't be paying the bills...

Stacey answers:

Well Fred, those are used books. I'm sure you're at least dimly aware that writers, rock stars, movie companies, and even the Disney corporation don't make any royalties from used books/CD's/DVD's/mice. I don't know if you're asking about the value of art or the economics of publishing or just trying to annoy me by telling me that a book I wrote is valued at a penny (well done!). Here's another shocking fact I recently learned: many books are available at the library for free.

Dec 05, 2008; Maude Asks:

Hey Stacey, I'm wondering who your editor was for My Date with Satan. Thank you!

Stacey answers:

My editor was Nan Graham.

Dec 05, 2008; unome Asks:

Are you really married or is that a way to cool the frenzy?

Stacey answers:

I'm not married. I am unmarried. Let the frenzy begin.

Dec 05, 2008; unome Asks:

Are you really into Scientology or is that just a way to stoke the frenzy?

Stacey answers:

I've found it very hard not to like Scientology since I discovered that they believe we all have wicked little aliens stuck all over our bodies. (They mean it! But it's a metaphor! But it's not! Because they mean it! But ha ha ha it's a metaphor anyway!) So I'm more of a fan of Scientology than an actual Scientologist. Also, I have this weird Tom Cruise thing (he appears in my dreams) but I think I'm getting over it.

Dec 02, 2008; Nano-rhyming Asks:

What did your novel-in-a-month end up being about?

Stacey answers:

It's sort of about aliens and robots and Mormons and plagues and drugs, in no particular order. How about yours?

Nov 17, 2008; Verbose Asks:

Please list your top 20 favorite verbs!

Stacey answers:

In the two weeks since you asked, Verbose, I've only been able to come up with one: procrastinate.

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